I always have this constant thought that goes around in my head. I always wonder if I am good enough... If I tried hard enough... If I could have done better...
This could pertain to anything. Schoolwork, auditions, my abilities as a person, or even just things I do on a day to day basis. In general I feel like life is just a big competition. In some ways that is somewhat true, but it's the extent of how much it affects a person that matters. It's the thought of thinking you are a failure every time you don't win, or aren't chosen for something. Yes, I am still talking about myself. I feel like I have finally understood this feeling and what comes with it, so that is what I am going to be talking about today.
There is no doubt that I have put myself out there. Over the years I have tried out for a numerous amount of plays and musicals, had job interviews, ran for officer positions in my Jewish youth group and school choirs, auditioned for solos, Vienna Idol, and even American Idol & America's Got Talent. Have I felt discouraged from not getting things? Yes. Do I still constantly try out or apply for things? Yes.
"If you never try you'll never know" ~Unknown
In seventh grade I tried out for every play and musical at my school, and I did not get cast in even one of them (there were four). That was very hard for me, but especially because I kept getting told afterward that I was good enough or could have even played the lead role. As the curious person I am who always wants to understand everything, of course I would ask: "then why didn't you cast me?" In this specific instance, I was told that I didn't get a role because I could take rejection. "If I didn't give this person a part, they would be super upset and not be able to handle it."
No one loves being rejected or not being accepted. I think I was too young to realize that that being the reason was not fair to me. I am not sure why I am seen as a person whose emotional stability does not matter as much as another's. "If you look at it on the bright side it means you are seen as a stronger person. Maybe...but let's not sugar coat it. A person might think "oh they'll get the next thing", but think about how it would feel to be told that over and over again with pretty much anything you do. If everyone thinks "I'll just get the next thing" where does that leave me?
I do not want to make this situation into something negative. I want to face it and face the facts. It may seem that some things just come easy to certain people. They get lucky. Most of the time it takes dedication and hard work. When I tried out for my first singing competition near where I live, called Vienna Idol, I did not get in my first year. I also didn't get in the second year. Or even the third year. BUT, the fourth year I auditioned I ended up in the semi-finals and landed my first singing gig at the annual Viva Vienna Festival. For once I believed my dedication and hard work actually paid off!
You are allowed to be upset, and you are allowed to feel discouraged, but never stop trying.
