Giving up and taking a break are two completely separate things, although I find it hard sometimes to differentiate between them. It has been several months since I have written a blog post. After not having published anything in a while, I struggled with where to begin again. I'm choosing to resume what didn't end, but what I am calling was taking a break; blogging.
For a while now, I have been a communicator. I write what I'm feeling, and express myself through music. The more difficult part of communication for me compared to the art form used to be speaking. In my elementary school years, I had a fear of public speaking and I struggled with reading comprehension. I would avoid eye contact with my teachers during read-aloud because I had a deep fear of skipping a word or losing my place. The potential of embarrassment caused me enormous anxiety.
As a musician, it's very difficult not to speak publicly. Live performing has given me the experience to learn what being a communicator really is; honesty.
In my everyday life, I continue to put forth my best effort to improve my skills as a communicator. A countless number of times I have tied my stomach into knots until it burned, or given myself a headache from overwhelming stress. Finding the right words in these moments can feel impossible. In times like this, taking a break to say out loud what one's underlying fear is can help release it. For me at least, being honest with myself is always what gets me through challenging moments. Admittance isn't giving up, but making the choice to continue.
