Live each day as if it is your last. This phrase has been pondering in my mind lately. The first thought that comes to me is: what would I want my last day of life to look like? But that's not really the way I want to take this.
I want to live each day as if it is my first. I want to live in pure bliss. I want to be as self-aware as possible, and be fearless in every thought and action. Imagine actually living like that each day. I don't know about you, but to me it sounds incredible. Forget about self doubt and personal reputation. Forget about competition and wealth. Forget about the past and future. The ability to be present in the moment can be eye opening.
For a while now, I have been slowly letting go of the need for anyone's approval of me. Acceptance of myself has made me feel more like a human than a robot. I used to feel like I needed another person to tell me I am doing a good job to believe I really am. But even when I was told I'm doing a good job, I would take it as encouragement to do even better. The cycle of achievement only continued, and every so often I would completely burn out. This caused low self-worth and high self-hatred.
As I explore and work through my pre-verbal adoption trauma, I know now that my desire to be "good enough" is the effect of wanting to feel loved and worthy of living in this world. The only person that can truly make me feel like I belong is me. I believe I have an important place in this life, and that only I can define the reason and live by it.
