Self Confidence

One thing that I struggle with a lot is self confidence. Many of my peers would describe me as a person with TONS of confidence. I know this because people have told me that. I advocate for myself and stand up for causes I believe in, but on the inside I am probably the most critical person of myself. It's all "fake it till you make it" right? 

Society has a great number of people thinking everyone around you is perfect. Surprise! There is actually no such thing as perfect (can you believe it?) Me either. For a while, I would agree with all those people who say I am completely 100% confident, but that is far from the truth. I used to have confidence...I am not sure where it went, but if you find it, tell it to come back!!! (Haha, but for real. I need it). Praise is something that has always been super important to me whether it is coming from my teachers, parents, or even friends. Who doesn't like being told they are seen when they work hard, or have done a great job on something? 

When you think of 'self confidence' your first thought may be of a person who looks in the mirror and doesn't like what they see. For me, it is different than that. I have a belief that I am never good enough. If I am complimented by someone my first thought deep down is either "are they talking to me?", "do they really mean that?", "haha funny", "they must feel bad for me", or even all of the above. I have not quite discovered why that is, but part of trying to figure this out is getting all of my thoughts written down.

At school I would definitely say I am not the most typical student. My grades are pretty good, mostly B's and C's, but in the area I live in anything under an A is classified as poor. Over the past couple years I have really tried to be okay with not being a straight A student or having a 4.0+ GPA.

I have a notable work ethic and that I always try my best. I believe that is a key point to this topic because if you know you tried your hardest, than there is absolutely nothing you could have done better. At some point you have to give yourself a break and understand that you are human.