Looking at the picture, imagine it being a person and how they feel deep down inside. Day by day I feel like any part of me that is left is slowly deteriorating. That my depression has taken over who I am. Some days I feel like I am not even a person anymore, and that I am just a diagnosis walking around living inside my body and seeing the things I see. That it is the only thing left of me.
This may seem dark, but it is how I feel, and I am really trying to allow myself not to hide behind a mask. Honestly it did not help me in the past to try and appear 'happy' all the time. In the end it only made me feel worse on the inside, because I felt like I was not only lying to others, but lying to myself. When these thoughts occur I do not want to push them away, but I want to evolve from them so I am able to recognize that I am more than my negative thoughts and emotions. I am not my depression, but my depression is a part of me. I have grown and learned from it, and it has actually been a big part of developing an understanding of my boundaries and thought process. I have never been better at articulating my thoughts in a way so it actually explains how I feel.
My journey has been long...and it is not over yet, but it is very important to utilize your resources because it is the only way a person can help themselves in times of need. Cherish moments of pride and joy because they do not last forever. Those are the things that will keep you holding on.
